From the Life of Amy Watson
- no less than 3 poop bags
- ball (preferably 2)
- dog biscuit
- 1 "chuck it"
- a small backpack
- any variety of canine you prefer
- Assemble all ingredients into the backpack, reserving leash and 1 poop bag for immediate usage.
- Leash canine.
- Begin your walk down the street. Advancing to your nearest park or open field.
- Attempt to make your canine heel, as in walk beside you. (Notice, I said attempt).
- Allow bathroom breaks for your canine. You will require the poop bag at this point. It's very rude not to pick up after your dog. Have you ever stepped in the stuff? Gross. Just plug your nose and do it. Then dispose of properly please. For your viewing pleasure, I have not provided pictures of this step.
- Ignore this sign:
- Make your canine sit and then let him/her off leash.
- Prepare "Chuck it" as shown.
- Throw ball. Tell your dog to "go git it, boy" or girl.
- Then say, "Good job boy, now bring it here."
- Now say "drop it, no, drop it. Drop it. Drop it now! DROP IT NOW. No, I'm serious, Drop it. Don't run away from me you bad dog. Bring it right here and drop it. Drop it."
- Give up.
- Insert hand into canine's mouth, obtain slimy, slobbery ball.
- Repeat the above 6 steps for at least 15 to 20 minutes.
- Re-leash your canine. Use the ball or a treat, if necessary, to make him come and sit for you. He may want to pretend he's not finished yet when he sees the leash, so kind of hide it a little bit or trick him.
- Continue meandering walk through your neighbourhood. Notice, heeling on the leash now is somewhat plausible since some amount of pent up energy has been released. i.e Before ball throwing (right). After ball throwing (left).
- Continue making your way through your neighbourhood enjoying the smell of blossoms, the sounds of songbirds and the feeling that spring hath finally come. All the while try not to find yourself being dragged through mud to the nearest fire hydrant or lamp post.
- Arrive at your next park. (Even if this means hiking a big hill and you're six months pregnant.)
- Unleash your canine and roam the park together.
- Your canine will find a big puddle and lie down in it. Then he'll look up at you with eyes that say, "I have never been happier than I am at this very moment."
- Cry, if you must. Or laugh. Your choice.
- After a good romp, re-leash your dog and head home.
- Wipe muddy paws.
Estimated Time: 1h 15min
Enjoy one happy, healthy canine best friend.